Parenting is Awesome

October 1999

 

I listen carefully to how people use words, including my own.  For example, consider the word awesome.  Think of all the things described as awesome: movies, cars, games, sports figures, pizza, hairstyles, music, bugs ... get the picture, all these things can’t be awesome.  To be in awe of something means you have mixed feelings of fear, respect, and wonder.  No pizza conjures up those feelings.

 

To be perfectly honest there are very few things I am in awe of.  My wife and I recently took our very first trip to Niagara Falls.  In a word the falls were awesome.  I was struck with awe watching the water of Lake Erie tumble 170 feet to the bottom of the falls and crashing upon the rocks.  I am also in awe of being a parent.

 

In my way of thinking there is no more important role than being a parent.  Yet parenting help is often unavailable or parents don’t know where to go for help.  Unfortunately, many parents are too embarrassed to ask for help.  As a parent of three I am grateful that I have colleagues and friends who are willing to talk to me about my parenting in a nonjudgmental way.  Many of these same school people, including myself, would welcome the opportunity to talk to you about your concerns.

 

This year I would like to share some of my thoughts about parenting with you. Thoughts that I have found helpful along my parenting journey and I hope you find helpful as well.  In the meantime when you hear the word awesome think of parenting it will help put the word in perspective.

 

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 Are All Grownups Pirates?

November 1999

 

In the movie “Hook,” Mr. Peter Banning, played by Robin Williams, is a lawyer with a family.  Mr. Banning has forgotten that he was once Peter Pan and lived in Never Never Land.  His enemy, Captain Hook, wonderfully portrayed by Dustin Hoffman, has not forgotten Peter Pan.  Driven by a lifelong desire for revenge for having lost his hand to Peter, he lures Mr. Banning back to Never Never Land by kidnapping his two children.

 

Much to Captain Hook’s dismay, he finds that Mr. Banning cannot play, fight, crow or fly (he is actually afraid of heights).  With the hope of the “Great War” between he and Peter fading, Hook is convinced by Tinkerbell to give Mr. Banning three days to “get in shape” and rediscover that he is Peter Pan.

 

Tink’s introduction of Mr. Banning to the Lost Boys is anything but pleasant.  They immediately want him to play, which he interprets as childish.  He calls them “punk kids,” and says, “Don’t mess with me I’m a lawyer,” name-calling and a demand for respect because of a position.  Ouch! How many times have I misunderstood or overreacted to my own children’s behavior and showed disrespect but wanted respect because “I’m the parent.”  Don’t get me wrong, I believe children should respect positions such as parents, teachers, police officers but we should model respect regardless of their response towards us.

 

Mr. Banning then said to the boys “I want to speak to a grownup.”  Their response to him was quite revealing, “All grownups are pirates.”  Yike! A pirate steals, destroys, and plunders.  What would a pirate take from the lost boys?  Is it their childhood, how about their sense of worth, or maybe the love, care and nurture that all children need from grownups?

 

In the extremely entertaining conclusion, Mr. Peter Banning, with the help of his children and the Lost Boys, remembers that he was and is Peter Pan.  The “Great War” proceeds and Captain Hook is defeated by Peter Pan.  More importantly, Peter discovers his lost “happy thought,” that he is a “Daddy.”

 

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Listen Is A Verb

December 1999

 

I may be showing my age but when I was a kid the teachers made us diagram sentences.  This was sort of like dissecting a sentence word by word so we would learn the parts of speech.  The big problem, for me anyway, was that you had to know what each word was; a noun, verb, preposition, and of course the dangling participle.  I could not figure out the participle let alone the one that was dangling

 

Now the “verb” was one part of speech of which I was extremely confident.  I believed that I was at the top of my game with the action words such as run, jump, yell, hit, and eat.  At age 10, I was a “verb expert” at least I thought so until I ran into words such as “listen.”

           

Why is it that so many of us have difficulty listening?  Is it possible that we don’t consider listening as action, as accomplishing anything?  Now I have read all that Mars/Venus stuff and I agree for the most part women are better listeners than we guys.  However, kids can neutralize the best listener.  I mistakenly thought for years that I was a good, maybe even exceptional, listener.  My wife and children have taught me otherwise. 

          

Listening to our children is extremely important.  It demonstrates that we are interested, that they are important to us, that they have meaningful things to say, in a nutshell, that we care.  Hearing from them ”you wouldn’t understand”,  “nothing”, “I forget”, “I don’t know” or “never mind” may suggest that we have not been the best listeners. 

           

I suggest a “posture of listening.”  In this posture we stop what we are doing, make eye contact, ask clarifying questions, summarize what they are saying, don’t overreact (I have a long way to go on this one), and don’t be in such a hurry.  It feels down right good to be genuinely listened too.  If you don’t listen to them they will more than likely find someone who will. 

           

I don’t believe that anyone was born a good listener.  But we can learn to listen no matter how old our children or we are.  I know it is not easy but give it a try.  Your relationship with your children depends upon it.

 

Parenting in the 21^st Century

January 2000

 

I have enjoyed reading predictions of what life may be like at the end of the 21^st century.   Most believe that people will live longer.  One scientist wrote that living to age 150 will be common.  As a result people will have three or four different careers and women 60 years of age will be having babies.  I thought, “Wow, that’s interesting.”  My wife Gretchen did not have the same reaction.  In fact, when I read that to her she laughed one of those “Are they out of their minds?” laughs. 

           

It is my prediction that parenting will remain the same.  Oh sure, changes in society bring new challenges for parents.  It wasn’t too long ago that parents did not have to compete with time spent playing video games or surfing the net, not exactly early 1900’s activities.  It certainly makes sense for parents to be up to date with the influences that affect our sons and daughters.  What children will need from parents in the future will remain the same, as they need now.  In a word, they will need nurture: care, attention, affection, training.  Parental nurture is needed for healthy growth and development.

           

How about a simple example.  I just read a study, which concluded that family meal times are strongly related to teenage adjustment.  They demonstrated that “adjusted teenagers” eat meals with adults more regularly than “non-adjusted teenagers.”  The researchers admitted that they weren’t exactly sure why eating together brought about better adjustment.  They suggested that it could be related to mealtime communication, or mealtimes may establish the teen as a member of the family, or mealtimes could imply a more structured lifestyle that carries over into other areas of life.  I believe that a family that breaks bread together is probably doing other things together as well.

          

In his book Fatherhood, Bill Cosby jokingly says, “Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.”  When it comes to our children Gretchen and I have often looked at each other and said, “What were we thinking?”  But as our mealtimes have gone from five table settings to three it all makes so much more sense.  Parenting has and always will be about nurture.

 

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Imitation Is the Sincerest Form of Flattery

February 2000

 

My research shows that the number one risk factor for having a son or daughter use cigarettes, alcohol or other drugs is, drum-roll please, having a son or daughter!  When I say this to people, I often get a sarcastic look that says “Wow that’s really profound Dr. Allen.”  To be honest, my intention is not to be profound but instead to keep us on our toes.  As a parent I have often considered the possibility that my children may use these substances and what I can do to reduce the possibility.  I would like to share two simple but important points.

 

 My first point is that from a child’s earliest days their behavior is influenced by others.  Much learning comes by observing and then imitating people.  This practice doesn’t stop as children get older and become adolescents.  However, the number of models to imitate increases. 

 

For parents, “Do as I say not as I do” is an extremely lousy philosophy for raising kids.  Whether it is drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, bad mouthing authority, using profane language, looking at pornography, ignoring stop signs or cheering for the Steelers, our children will more likely grow-up doing what we do rather than what we say.  Our actions speak much more loudly to our children than our words, especially when our actions contradict what we say.  If “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery,” we should consider if there is anything we are doing that we wouldn’t want our children to imitate.  Of course, it is important to set a good example and, in order to do so we need to spend time with our children.  This leads me to my second point. 

 

Research demonstrates time and time again that children whose parents spend time with them and model responsible behavior have lower rates of experimenting with alcohol, tobacco and other drugs.  Dr. Timothy Rivinus, chief of Mental Health Services for the Harvard Community Health Plan, agrees that a good parent-child relationship is key in preventing high-risk behaviors by children. Dr. Rivinus suggests that parents set aside time to be with their children every day.  By doing this, we are not only increasing the likelihood that our sons and daughters will make good healthy decisions, but we are also creating a warm family environment that will stay with our children for the rest of their lives.

What Is Your Favorite Commercial?

March 2000

 

My favorite commercial is an E-Trade commercial that first appeared during the Super Bowl.  E-Trade is an Internet driven investment company.  In this commercial two men and a monkey are in a garage clapping off beat to the tune “La Cucaracha.”  The monkey is wearing an E-Trade T-shirt and while he, or she, is clapping, its ears are flapping and a foot is tapping.  It makes me laugh!  At the end of the commercial, words come on the screen saying “We just wasted two-million bucks, what are you doing with your money?”  The main point is that anyone, including a monkey and two guys who seem a little out of it, can be making money through on-line investing. 

          

E-Trade probably spent closer to three million dollars and it was anything but a waste of money.  Advertising sells products and when advertising stops, sales drop.  Much of advertising is about creating a favorable image about a product.  In fact, Advertising Age Magazine says that the company that has not bothered to create a favorable image towards their product before the customer goes shopping hasn’t much chance of making the sale.  This is where our children enter the picture.

           

Without a doubt much of advertising is intended to influence children in a manipulative way, whether related to buying toys, video games, snack foods, soft drinks, or designer clothes.  This is particularly damaging when the product can seriously affect our children’s lives, as is the case with diets, tobacco or alcohol.  Research has clearly shown that if kids are going to use alcohol, tobacco and other drugs they are going to start before the age of 20.  The peak initiation into these drugs is in the early teens.  So considering the early bird philosophy of advertising and marketing, doesn’t it make good sense, at least good business sense, to target children with these products.  As psychologist, Dr. Allen D. Kanner says, “Spending on advertising to attract children goes beyond all reason.”

           

Those in marketing say that advertising works best because consumers don’t believe

that they are influenced by commercials.  Most people scoff at the idea of being manipulated by commercials.  We should not be so naïve especially when it comes to our children.  As parents we must prepare our children for living in a world of powerful images, words and sounds.  We should take opportunities with our children to talk about commercials and what messages they attempt to convey.  Cigarettes will not make a person slim and smoking does not make one an adult.  Our lives are not dull, boring and meaningless without alcohol.  Finally, there are more monkeys, I mean people, losing money by pointing and clicking than making money and besides, since when did having money make a person happy.

 

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“Summer Survivor”

October 2000

 

The study of human behavior sure is an interesting profession.  Often my initial reaction to something unexpected is “Man, that was weird.”  But then years of experience kick in so that I can step back and try and truly understand what is going on. 

 

Such was my response to this summer’s “Survivor” craze.  You all know what I am talking about.  This television show became a national obsession.  I understand why the show’s fleeting stars volunteered to participate, instant money and fame, which would hopefully provide them with a new life.  What was more intriguing to me was why the rest of us would devote so much time and energy to watching, talking, reading and writing about it.

I would tell people with a sense of pride that “I watched one time for fifteen minutes and I wouldn’t waste anymore time.”  Who was I kidding?  Even though I didn’t watch I knew what was going on, how could you not.  More than once I fantasized how I would run to the mud hole, jump in and slop the mud in my shorts and then race back to the bucket so that I would be the first to fill it.  I certainly couldn’t squeeze mud out of my hair.  Well, anyway, I wondered how I would do in this program, if I would have “survived.”  Not only is it about the adventure but it is also about escape.

Toward the end of the summer I was standing in a checkout line at a local store.  Directly in front of me was a mother of two active sons probably around eight or nine years old.  She yelled at them several times not to touch this or that and to stop running around the store.  They didn’t listen.  With a good deal of disgust this mother said to the store clerk “I don’t know if I will make it, I can hardly wait for school to start.”  I thought that I was watching a real life survivor show.  I wonder how many parents feel the same way, that summer is just a period to survive until relief, in the form of school, arrives. 

 

I felt sadness for this mother and her children.  I’ve learned that my life with my children is a gift no matter what the circumstances.  No amount of dreaming or wishing it away changes that.  Our day in and day out contact with our children is what really makes the difference in our lives.  Although it comes with many challenges parenthood is not just a role to survive.  Make the most of your time with your children.  Stay in touch with them this school year.  I know that is what I am going to try and do.

 

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Memory Lame

November 2000

 

My memory has never been all that great, so I would have to say that I am not sure if age is affecting it.  When I was a young married college student in Youngstown, Ohio, Gretchen and I lived in a nice apartment that was six blocks from campus.  It was our routine to wake early and walk hand-in-hand, which I still enjoy doing, down to the university.

 

Gretchen was a secretary at the university and I had become, since marriage, a fairly serious college student.  It was rare but on a few occasions my schedule would change and I would drive our VW van to campus.  I clearly remember the first time I walked home from the university, turned the corner of our driveway and immediately noticed the van was not there.  It took a few seconds for my head to clear but I quickly realized that I had left the car on campus.  You might say, “Well Dave, its understandable, you usually didn’t drive.”  You forget that I said I remember “the first time” I did that.  Yes, I drove to campus and then proceeded to walk home on more than one occasion.

           

Forgetfulness is a fairly common human trait.  I think it is important to remember that at times we have been forgetful.  Every now and then Gretchen will gently remind me of “the leaving the car on campus” or one of the many other forgetful Dave stories.  She usually does this when I have been harsh with one of our children who did not remember to do something.  Forgetfulness happens and often not on purpose.  That is a good thing to remember especially if you have children.

           

Oh, did I ever tell you the story of walking home with a friend from Fifth Street Stadium after a football game?  We walked into my house and Gretchen said, “Where is Emily?”, our nine your old daughter.  “WHOOPS!”

 

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“I am sorry”

February 2001

 

What is it about these three words that make them so incredibly difficult to say.  It is so much easier just to forget it or defend our actions rather than admitting wrong doing.   I am capable of extremely complex arguments to avoid admitting I did something wrong.  In fact I can almost get myself believing that I was right in what I had said or done, well almost.  I have identified the culprit, it is my foolish pride. 

           

Nowhere is this more evident than with my children.  Unlike my kids, my wife Gretchen got my number a long time ago.  She would just let me ramble on while she remained quiet.  Without speaking a word, her silence spoke volumes.  My children on the other hand were not as sophisticated. 

           

Thankfully I’ve learned to apologize to my children as well.  Allow me to share with you some things that I have learned, about apologizing to my children.  The first is that I’m never right in being hurtful or critical towards my children regardless of their actions towards me.  I am responsible for what I say or do and I should own up to it.  Second, my kids know I’m not perfect, why should I attempt to maintain that masquerade.  Third, never apologize in order to get an apology or wait until they apologize first.  This is just plain manipulation and as parents we should avoid it.  Lastly, there is wonderful healing that can come from apologizing and receiving forgiveness from our children.

           

When I become aware that I have wronged my children I swallow my pride and follow three steps. 

1.      Say “I’m sorry”

2.      State what I believe I did wrong

3.      Ask for forgiveness

 

So it goes something like this “I am sorry that I spoke harshly to you would you please forgive me?”  Sometimes I will add that I know my actions hurt them and at the end I usually say something like “I’m going to try real hard to not speak like that to you in the future.”  My children have responded very well to this.  The benefits of saying your sorry and asking for forgiveness are immeasurable.  Not only do you bring healing to a strained relationship but as a parent we are teaching our children a skill that will benefit them for a lifetime.

 

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One More Time with Feeling

March 2001

 

Have a nice day.

Thank you very much.

I look forward to seeing you.

I love you.

I am so glad you are my daughter.

You look nice.

That’s my boy!

It was nice seeing you today.

I was thinking of you.

You are so helpful.

I can hardly wait to see you.

Can I help you?

Did you think of that yourself?

I love you.

I will pray for you.

Great answer.

Good idea.

You are special to me.

I am so glad you are my son.

What can I do for you?

That’s my girl!

That was thoughtful.

You are nice.

I missed you.

I love you.

Let’s do that together.

I am sorry.

I was wrong.

Please forgive me.

I enjoy being your parent.

You are fun.

I appreciate you.

How nice of you to say that.

I like going places with you.

I will always be there for you.

Have I told you lately that I love you?

 

Thank you for reading this!!!

 

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Thanks Bob!

April 2001

 

Those that know me know that I can easily become sentimental about my children.  I guess I’m just a sentimental guy.  Don’t get me wrong I like as many explosions and special effects in movies as the next guy but I can be just as entertained by relationship movies, you know what I mean, “chick flicks.”  More than anything else thoughts of my children, Emily, Andrew, and Aaron, elicit my most nostalgic moments.  This happened in a big way a few days ago. 

           

The Communities That Care program recently sponsored an evening with Dr. Bob Ackerman at the Junior High School.  For over an hour Dr. Ackerman spoke of the joys, challenges and struggles of parenting.  He had several main messages: be aware and involved in your children’s lives no matter what their ages and have others in your life that you trust enough to share your parent  stories.  His talk was wonderful!  All night I was stirred to consider how active I am with my parenting.

           

Admittedly I thought about the relatively low attendance that evening.  The program was live on radio so it is possible that many parents listened from home.  Certainly many families have evening commitments.  But I wondered if I would have gone if I had not had a small role to play in the evening’s program.  I think I would have been tempted to stay home.  Besides, I think I am doing okay with this parent thing and my kids are older.  I could have come up with many reasons to stay home and relax.  I’ll have you know it wouldn’t have taken much.  I can become quite complacent. 

           

My complacency comes when I think I am doing a good enough job or when I believe that I can not do any more than I am already doing.  The British historical figure Oliver Cromwell said, “He who stops being better stops being good.”  I don’t ever want to be complacent about my children.  It is essential that I am reminded frequently of how important I am in my children’s lives and they in mine.  I need to be diligent and maybe even vigilant with my parenting.

           

Dr. Ackerman encouraged all of us to keep our parent roles in the right perspective.  That the investment of time and energy that we put into our children will reap life long rewards.  Allow me to share one last quote from Dr. Ackerman that had a significant impact on me.  He said that he “would give just about anything to spend one full day with each of his children . . . when they were three-years old.” 

 

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Passing the Baton

August 2001

 

I become nostalgic each September.  It really is no mystery to me, I know why.  In September my children start a new grade.  Nothing strikes me more that my children are getting older than a new school year.  Not even birthdays, until now.

 

As you read this I am involved in planning an October wedding.  Yes, my daughter Emily is getting married.  She is 23 years old and is in love with a wonderful young man.  I am the “Father of the Bride.”  To say that I have mixed emotions about this new title is an understatement.  I like it and don’t like it at the same time.  Parents who have been through this know what I mean, others will know soon enough.

          

In high school I ran relay races in track.  As a sprinter I appreciated speed, but in a relay   the race is won or lost in the exchange of the baton.  The timing needs to be right, the exchange smooth, and the baton needs to be passed to a sprinter who knows what to do.  On my daughter’s wedding day I am going to be handing off the baton of care and responsibility for Emily to her husband-to-be, James.

           

As Emily’s father I have been responsible for her care all these years.  I absolutely cherished that role.  This is changing for me.  As I stretch out my arm to pass this precious baton to James I know the timing is right and I am absolutely convinced that he will handle this responsibility as lovingly as I have.

           

As I write this I am keenly aware of the baton passing that occurs everyday between your home and school.  What a privilege it is for us that every day you entrust us with the most precious gifts you own, your children.  Don’t think for a moment that we don’t take that seriously.  We have dedicated our careers to the education and welfare of children.  Our district has a devoted, caring, and hard working staff who have the best interest of your children in mind.  From September on we want to convey this to you and ask that we work together to have a successful year.

           

In a relay race most people watch the runner with the baton, but I like to watch the enthusiasm of the runner who just passed off the baton.  They go from runner to cheerleader in an instant, jumping up and down, arms waving in the air, yelling words of encouragement.  That will be me!  I will be one of Emily and James’ biggest supporters.  Gretchen and I will be there for them, cheering them on as they live their life together.

           

We hear you cheering your kids on too, thanks.

 

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September 2001

 

 The recent acts of terrorism are unprecedented in our lifetime and in the American experience.  Children, like many people, may be confused or frightened by the news and will look to adults for information, guidance and comfort.  In our attempt to assist and support you and your children we have provided the following list of Internet sites.  If you do not have access to these sites we will gladly provide you with a copy of the articles.  Copies are available through the main office of your child’s school.  As always the school counselors, district psychologist, building principals and other support staff are willing to speak with you if you have specific concerns.

 

1.      Educators for Social Responsibility – Talking To Children About Violence And Other Sensitive And Complex Issues In The World

·         http://www.esrnational.org (click on the link Talking To Children About Violence And Other Sensitive And Complex Issues In The World)

 

2.      National Association of School Psychologists – This site contains a variety of resources to assist educators, children and their families in coping with recent events. 

·        http://www.nasponline.org/NEAT/tolerance.html - A National Tragedy: Promoting

 Tolerance And Peace In Children – Tips For Parents And Schools

 

·        http://www.nasponline.org/NEAT/children_war.html - Children And Fear Of War – Tips

For Parents And Teachers

 

3.      American Psychological Association – Several tips to assist adults and children in recovering form disasters and other traumatic events are provided.

·        http://helping.apa.org/daily/traumaticstress.html - Psychology in Daily Life – Managing

 Traumatic Stress: Tips For Recovering From Disasters And Other Traumatic Events

 

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 What’s A Parent To Do?

December 2001

 

Mark Twain said, “Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.”  Well our facts are in and it won’t do us any good distorting them, so I won’t.  Last spring we surveyed our 6^th, 9^th, and 12^th grade students.  These kids were asked some very direct questions about their personal experiences with drugs, in particular, alcohol, marijuana, and cigarettes.  The results of the survey are, excuse the pun, “sobering”.  In a nutshell, we are encouraged by some downward trends but, our children’s frequent drug use is unnerving. 

 

Several days after we discussed the results of the survey at our “Town Meeting” I read with deep sorrow the Gazette article reporting the death of a 17-year-old female from a neighboring school district.  According to the article she was a passenger in a car driven by an 18-year-old male under the influence of alcohol.  The crash was on route 422.  I am hoping that we respond to our children’s survey responses in lieu of an accident within our district.  That is, our response to the survey should be the same as if one of our own was in a serious accident.  As the actor, Carol O’Conner, said after the drug-related death of his son, “Get between your kids and drugs any way you can!”

 

I don’t believe that Gretchen and I are much different than most parents.  Many times we were concerned when our teenage children went out for the evening.  We knew that on any given night they might be exposed to alcohol and other drugs.  We wanted to believe that they would consistently make healthy choices.  However, there was the nagging thought that peer pressure, curiosity, the foolish belief that nothing could go wrong or any number of the irrational thoughts kids have before “using” would cloud the facts for why they should say “no.

 

Sounding paranoid?  I don’t think so.  Not with 53% of last year’s senior class reporting drinking on at least a monthly basis, that’s 129 kids or how about the 37% that reported drinking alcohol and driving at one time or another.  Of those kids 25 of them reported drinking and driving at least once a month.  Odds were good that my children would run into it somewhere along the way.  I know they all did.

 

I believe there is a great deal we can do to support our children when it comes to making healthy choices.  To be honest it is not all that complicated.  Or maybe it is just my need to keep things simple.  Anyway, I will be coming to your school’s PTA/Advisory meetings in the next couple of months to share my simple musings.  Your principal’s newsletter will let you know when.  Hope to see you there.

It Is The Small Things That Count

April 2002

 

Easter Sunday evening I drove my 21-year-old son, Andrew, back to the University of Pittsburgh.  It was the end of a nice three-day weekend.  That night, however, was dreary and raining.  We got stuck in traffic jams twice and I was low on gas.  More than two hours after we pulled out of our driveway we rolled into Oakland and I still had to drive back home.

          

I have to admit now that these hours were some of the best of the entire weekend.  Andrew and I talked the entire way.  Of course we discussed the wonderful ride the Pitt Panthers basketball team gave us this year.  But, more importantly, we discussed life, his and mine.  Andrew will graduate in December and there are a number of important decisions to be made in the next few months.  I asked him what he was thinking about the challenges ahead and he was interested in how I handled things when I was younger.  For the moment, we both felt a sense of peace about his unknown future.  Incredibly, not once did he go for the radio. 

           

On the way back from Pittsburgh I thought about my 21-year parenting relationship with this young man.  I also thought about the many parents I have talked to over the years.  The struggles we have shared with communicating with our children.  I often say there is much to be said for maturity, usually in reference to my children.  But this night I was thinking of my maturity, or the lack of it. 

           

Although I always desired to relate well with my children, I blew it more times than I care to count.  A common prayer for Gretchen and I was that we raise responsible, competent, caring and faith-filled children.  We knew we played a significant part but at times we weren’t sure exactly how to fulfill that role. 

           

I just completed the PTA/Citizen’s Advisory circuit and had the privilege to address a number of parents.  I responded to the question “What’s a parent to do?” by saying that the answer is not all that complicated.  Instead, it is the simple things in life that often tend to be pushed aside by busy schedules and a need for relaxation.  Our attention, encouragement and family experiences make a difference with our children.

           

Psychologist and author, Dr. Mary Pipher says, “The greatest gifts to family members aren’t consumer items but gifts of time.”  Watching a sunset, giving a hug, taking a walk, playing a board game, sharing a meal, tucking into bed and saying “I love you” require little more than thoughtfulness yet reap wonderful rewards.  To continue this discussion further I would like to make a suggestion.  For those of you who have access to the Internet check out – www.searchinstitue.org.  For those of you who don’t, give me a call and I will give you copies of some of the Search Institutes materials.  They provide many wonderful family-strengthening ideas. 

           

I have no doubt that Gretchen and I played a role in the adult that Andrew is becoming.  He is a great guy, not a perfect guy.  How could he be, I am his dad!  We are very proud of him and pleased with the direction that he is taking in life.  Well, this is just about enough relationship talk that I can muster … Go Pitt! 

 

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Safety First

September 2005

 

We have long recognized the significance of creating a safe school environment for students and staff.  Our District’s Mission Statement has as its first belief that “All students have a right to a safe learning environment.”  Safety of students and staff is of the utmost importance.  We think about it often.  Not only is it a “right” to have a safe learning environment, but creating a safe environment promotes getting the best out of our students and staff.  That being said, we have recently revised our “Lockdown” guidelines. 

A school executes a building lockdown when a potentially dangerous situation places students and staff at risk for some type of harm.  These are extremely rare events but it is important to be prepared.  There are two basic types of lockdowns:  a partial lockdown and a complete lockdown.  In a partial lockdown the threat is typically outside of the building so all outside activities are curtailed but indoor school activities may continue as scheduled.  There may be some semblance of “business as usual” within the school, even though the building has been secured and traffic in and out of the building is limited.  In a complete lockdown all school activities are stopped and students and staff quickly move to the nearest classroom or other safe area.  Additional safety instructions are then given to the students by the supervising staff member.  We are currently updating our staff in the best practices for creating a safe environment and how to care for students during a lockdown. 

 National School Safety experts recommend that schools practice safety procedures.  Therefore, during the week of October 17^th all of our schools will be practicing the District’s Lockdown Procedure.  Prior to the actual drill there will be a great deal of preparation.  Part of this preparation will include having principals and/or the teachers discuss lockdowns with the students.  You can be assured that this will be done as sensitively as possible considering the age of the children.  We do not want to create any undo anxiety or worry with any of our students.  However, we cannot anticipate every child’s reaction so we are asking for your help.  If at any time during or after this process you have concerns or questions please call your child’s principal, counselor, or me.  We would be glad to discuss this with you.

Finally, I would like to mention that the “lockdown” is just one procedure among many in our district’s comprehensive Crisis Management Manual.  The procedures within the manual are reviewed and revised regularly as better ways of managing crisis and creating safe school environments are recommended by local and national safety experts.  In addition, each school building has a building crisis management team that meets regularly throughout the school year to consider safety and security issues that are specific to your child’s school building. 

 

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